Infertility, Beginning the Journey to Baby Again.
Infertility, beginning the journey to baby, again.
Until recently, I rarely spoke about being diagnosed with Infertility or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I guess I was embarrassed. I felt like a failure as a woman.
The one thing I wanted most in the world was a baby, and I was failing horribly at it.
For 6 long years, I went from doctor after doctor trying to find answers. I tried medications and supplements, some doctor prescribed and some just because a woman in a support group had success with it.
The battle was real, and I felt like I needed to throw every weapon I could find at it.
But, I did it alone.
Kenneth was there with me, but I shut him out.
I shut everyone out.
I did not want anyone to see how I was losing month after month.
I felt like I was letting Kenneth down as a wife.
I went through some dark places mentally, and I would not let anyone do much to help pull me out of them.
Eventually I got tired of battling by myself. Kenneth was there, wanting to help me, I just had to let him in. So, I did. I opened that door and leaned on my partner.
It was also his baby we were fighting for, and I finally realized I couldn’t do it all on my own.
Together, we went to a fertility specialist. We underwent multiple tests and consults.
It was stressful and emotional, but we were in it together.
The news wasn’t great.
My hormone imbalance caused by PCOS was too great.
The chances of us getting pregnant naturally were slim. We needed IVF.
I knew the cost. I knew it would take everything we had, plus more.
I wanted this baby so bad, but I knew mentally I was drained. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so I asked the doctor to hold off for a few months. I needed to get my mind right for the next stage of our journey.
Instead, we focused on us.
Kenneth went back to school and got his GED.
I was working as a Pediatric nurse, which I absolutely loved.
We took a backpacking trip, where we hiked 25 miles, carrying everything on our backs.
And then, we took a road trip vacation traveling from our home in North Georgia, to Batcave, North Carolina, then on to Charleston, South Carolina, and then back home.
We put all thoughts of infertility behind us, and for a few months we just enjoyed life and each other. After 6 years of thinking about fertility daily, a break was exactly what we needed.
This vacation was our last hoorah before beginning our IVF journey.
A few weeks later I was prepared to schedule our appointments, but before doing that you have to take a pregnancy test.
That test was positive.
I will never forget that day.
I took several more tests, just to be sure.
I contacted my fertility specialist through their afterhours portal, and they requested me to come in first thing Monday morning.
Being pregnant was a miracle.
However, with that miracle came more tests and more medications.
My hormones were still not correct. My progesterone was dropping too low. The chance of miscarriage was high.
Immediately, my specialist put me on progesterone supplements, three times a week blood work, and weekly ultrasounds.
For the next 8 weeks, my life was a constantly revolving around doctors’ appointments and doing everything I could to decrease my chance of miscarriage.
At 13 weeks pregnant, I graduated from continuous appointments and tests to being transferred to my midwifes care, and a little bit of a normal pregnancy.
The journey to get to that point scarred me though, and I was terrified that something would go wrong.
I spent every day in fear, that I would miscarry my baby.
I counted down the weeks and celebrated each little milestone I achieved in my pregnancy.
At 24 weeks, I knew that if I went into labor my baby had a chance at surviving, but then my fear became that I would go into labor prematurely. Little did I know that I would have to be induced instead.
I made it through the infertility battle, pregnancy, and labor. Now, I have a 15-month-old son who is the light of my life.
I do not want to be greedy, but I do want to try for Baby #2.
I am across the country from my fertility specialist, and this time I am wanting to do things differently.
Instead of constant medicines and treatments, I am choosing to focus on getting my body healthy and keeping my mind healthy.
As we travel around the United States, I will be trying to figure out a way to focus on living a more natural lifestyle.
I will focus more on cooking from scratch, with as little chemicals as possible.
I will focus on eliminating our commercial cleaners and disinfectants.
It will not be a quick fix, instead, it will be a complete lifestyle change.
Will it fix my fertility issues? Some studies say yes, but at least I know it can’t make them any worse!
I hope to one day be able to share a future pregnancy with each of you.
I hope you will follow along on our journey to living healthier.
